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Category Archives: Teachers

I received an email during 4th period today from the Principal:

Mr. W , your presence is required in my office today after school.  I need to hold a disciplinary conference with a teacher for using vulgar language in class.

Being the VP of the teacher association it is one of my duties to represent teachers in such meetings.   I got to the office a few minutes after the bell.  There was a pair of parents already waiting.  The teacher in question followed me in a couple of minutes later.

It was the teacher who sent me the email tirade the other day.

Turns out he got mad at his class and started dropping F-bombs.  One kid has it on his cellphone video.  Kids told the parents, parents complained to administration.

I’m sure he hated to have me see him in this situation, but all I did was take notes and ask him after the meeting if he needed any help filling out his response paperwork.  He didn’t.  I told him if needed anything to let me know.

i’m really glad I didn’t respond now.

A post from one of my fav bloggers.   Really, I had nothing to do with it….

Our school’s campus is fairly spread out.  My room is on the far east side of the campus and there is a building on the far west side, referred to as ‘the hill’ that holds about 15 classrooms.  It is perhaps a quarter mile between the two buildings.  There has been a problem lately with students coming from ‘the hill’ to my classroom and arriving late.  The teachers on the hill won’t count a kid tardy until a minute or so after the tardy bell if they are coming from my side of the campus.  The kids then, naturally, expect the same time to get back to my classroom.  I don’t give them extra time, if they aren’t there when the tardy bell rings, they’re late.

Anyway, I sent an email schoolwide asking that the teachers on ‘the hill’ to stop telling students they have extra time to get to my class.  I told them if they wanted to not count tardies that was their business, but I was counting them.

Well, you would have thought that I told them their mothers were French whores.  I received returned emails informing me that not only did they count tardies but that they never told kids they were allowed to be late to class.  They were offended that I even suggested so. 

Whatever.

But, to keep the peace, I sent an apology email.  I admitted that I should have been aware that ALL my students lie to me and that I was sure that they were doing a great job on ‘the hill’ and wished them a wonderful summer.

That wasn’t enough for one teacher though.  He sent me a scathing email that was cc’d to everyone.  I responded to the email by thanking him for his opinions and assuring him that I would take his points under consideration.

I let myself cool down for a couple days and then wrote a response to his email.  I’ve shown my response to 4 close friends I teach with, and two think I should send it and two think I shouldn’t.  The response follows.  Give me your opinion on send/don’t send…  (his comments are in italics, my response in normal type)

Sir:

I promised to give your points consideration after I had contemplated them.  Here goes… 
Once again you have used your usually pompous, sarcastic, condescending tone to talk to all of us.

You left out smug, self-righteous and sanctimonious. 

Even your apology, if it is an apology is condescending.

Thank goodness you caught that.  I was afraid I was being too subtle. 

First of all I personally do not like it and am quite frankly sick and tired of it.  No kidding. 

Your computer keyboard has a delete button.   

Why don’t you just shut up and worry about doing your job. 

Had you read the original email, I was worrying about doing my job.  I addressed the fact that you can do whatever you want in your room, but my policy is no extra time.  I just asked a FAVOR that you not tell students they have extra time getting to MY class. 

I have come to the conclusion you are just a pathetic person, what ever made you this way is not us teachers and we do not deserve your wrath.

Sir, when I unleash my wrath you will undoubtedly know it.  This isn’t even close to wrath. 

How dare you group everyone together in classroom policy?  I am not going to speak for anyone but my self when I say I have never in my entire teaching career told a student they have one extra second to get to class on time. 

That’s interesting.  I was told by Mr. T [the assistant principal on the hill]  that the hill teachers voted to allow students an extra 90 seconds to get to class. 

I don’t know when or who made you in charge of being the teaching police, but I will be glad to speak to them if you will tell me who it is. 

That would be the 80% of teachers who voted for me in the last election [and this guy was my opponent].  I can’t give you specific names, because anonymous voting is one of the beachheads of democracy. 

First you want to go down town to tattle to the upper administration about things you could not possible know for sure other teachers are or are not doing in their classrooms. 

To begin with, it is part of the job I was elected to do is to meet with upper administration.  I also find it curious that you accuse me of talking about things I couldn’t possibly know, yet you seem to be certain that YOU know exactly what went on in my meeting with the upper administration.  Interesting. 

Now you want to tattle to the entire school and administration about things teachers on the hill are or are not doing

I’m not tattling to anyone.  Pretty much everyone knows what’s going on. 

Again you could not possibly know these things for sure.

See above re: Mr. T

How do I become as perfect as you and get just that speck out of my eye.

Nice job quoting the bible during a hateful rant.   

Oh never mind I would not want to be anything like you.

Thank goodness for that.  I like to think of myself as one-of-a-kind.

 

 

 

 

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For those of you aware of the great stapler war of 2008 (and if you aren’t, why haven’t you read my blog????) you’ll appreciate how my day has went so far.

For the last week there has been a brand new 4 drawer file cabinet, still in the box, sitting in the main office. There is a teacher’s name writ large on the box. It is the same teacher who has the stapler I was constantly stealing. The box has sat there since Monday.

First period I had two of my students go and get the box. I told them to say HOF sent them if anyone were to ask. When they brought the box to my room we removed the new file cabinet and placed my old dilapidated one in the box. We glued and taped the flaps back and put the box back in the main office.

Fourth period the following email was sent school-wide:

Whoever put their used nappy file cabinet in the Staples box in the office and TOOK my new file cabinet….. give it back. Joke is over, and I’m all about fun and jokes, but not in the middle of having to pack up all my stuff in my room, sell 400 shirts, and TEACH.

Give it back, or you can take the matter up with STAPLES when I tell them I opened there (sic) box and show them what was in it.

HOF

About 10 minutes later two students show up at my door.

“There it is.” one of them exclaimed.

“There what is?” I protest innocently.

“Mrs. HOF’s file cabinet.”

Indignately I reply, “That’s my cabinet. I’ve had it for a couple of months. Ask anyone in here, they’ll tell you.”

And by God, every one of my students back me up…

“Yeah, he’s had that for a while.”
“I helped him unpack it. He got that back before spring break.”
“You trippin’ man. That’s Mr. W’s cabinet.”

Confused, the two students leave.

Man, its a nice file cabinet. I hope nobody tells on me…

 

Here is the desk area of the teacher who had 18,000 emails on her computer:

 
NOT MY DESK!!!!!
 

One of the crabby teachers who complained about the coffee mug last week came up to me in the office this morning.

“This mug you gave me leaks.”

“Really, I’m sorry.”  I replied.  “Let me get you another one.”  This is the lady who told me she already had enough coffee mugs and asked why I thought she needed another.  I see you’re using the new mug…

“See, right here at the bottom, there’s water coming out of the bottom right here.”

Hey, I told her I’d get another one.  She isn’t going to be happy though until she gets all she can out of this.  I look at where she’s pointing.  Sure enough there’s a small rivulet of water on the bottom of the cup.

Wait a minute.

What’s that smell?

“Judy, is that coffee in your mug?”

“Yes, why?”

“You’ve found the Holy Grail!!!!!!”

“What are you talking about?”

“That has to have been Jesus’s cup.  It’s turning coffee into water!”

She gave me that teacher look and asked what I was talking about.

“Your mug full of coffee is leaking clear water?  Its a miracle!”

She gave me a blank stare for about 15 seconds and then just walked off…

At work our servers crashed.  And then they were running again.  And then they crashed.  And then they were running again.  And then they crashed.  And then they were running again.  All within about 2 hours.

During this last cycle one email made it through.  From our site tech:

The server is full.  97% of the hard drives are being used for email.  Begin deleting old emails immediately.

And then they crashed again.  And stayed down for a while.

I received a phone call from the site tech.  He asked me to check the email of one of the teachers in my unit.  I went to her room and asked her to open her email program so I could look at her files.  She told me it was open, so I sat down at her desk. 

Now, I know some of you are going to think I’m exaggerating but…

She had every email that she has received and every email she has sent since 2001.  Over 18,000 emails.  Over 5,000 of them HAVE NEVER BEEN OPENED!

I asked her why she didn’t delete emails.  Her reply?   “You never know when you might need proof somebody said something.”

Why are there so many unopened?  “They’re not from anybody important.”

I wanted to ask her if she got her degree from a cereal box.

She told me she’d start deleting them after school.  About 45 minutes after the last bell I stopped by her room.

She was printing off each email for her files.

Maybe it wasn’t a cereal box.  Probably Cracker Jacks…

In honor of teacher appreciation day I sent the following email to my entire school:

Dear friends,
Over the past few weeks I have somehow managed to acquire a large number of staplers, tape dispensers and hole punches.  If you have one missing and can describe it, let me know and if I have yours I’ll send it home.

Almost all of them have been claimed.  I also let my kids know that the game was over…

For those of you who don’t know, this coming Tuesday is Teacher Appreciation Day.  My local teacher association buys gifts every year for our members on this day.

Due to today being the end of state testing I thought it would be nice to pass out the gifts early this year as a thanks to everyone for their efforts this past three weeks.

This year’s gift is an insulated coffe mug.  You know, silver with a black lid and handle, with our association logo on the side.  I thought it was a nice gift.  As my dad has been known to say, “Better than a kick in the ass, at least.”

I wound my way through the hallways (and keeping my eye our for wondering students) to pass out the gifts.  Most of my colleagues were pleased with the surprise of an unexpected gift, but many just really frosted my ass…

“What the hell am I gonna do with this?  I don’t drink coffee.” 

“Well, that was a waste of money, I’ll never use this.”

“Why are you interuppting my class to give me a useless coffee mug.”

“Do you know how many coffee mugs I already have, what makes you think I need another one?”

It took everything I had in me to not tell them to kiss my ass.  What happened to good manners?  I was taught to say thank you when someone gave me a gift, and even if it was a piece of crap, to be nice about it.  And these people are teaching!!!!!!  I’m glad my kids are already out of school.  And its a shame that I, as a teacher, feel that way. 

After I calm down I may write an email to each of the ungrateful bastards.  I don’t know if it would do any good though.

An email from a fellow teacher:

Have you heard about the next planned ‘Survivor’ show?

Three businessmen and three businesswomen will be dropped in an elementary school classroom for 1 school year.  Each business person will be provided with a copy of his/her school district’s curriculum, and a class of 28 – 32 students.

Each class will have a minimum of five learning-disabled children, three with A.D.D., one gifted child, and two who speak limited English. Three students will be labeled with severe behavior problems.  Each business person must complete lesson plans at least 3 days in advance, with annotations for curriculum objectives and modify, organize, or create their materials accordingly. They will be required to teach students, handle misconduct, implement technology, document attendance, write referrals, correct homework, make bulletin boards, compute grades, complete report cards, document benchmarks, communicate with parents, and arrange parent conferences. They must also stand in their doorway between class changes to monitor the hallways.

In addition, they will complete fire drills, tornado drills, and [Code Red] drills for shooting attacks each month.

They must attend workshops, faculty meetings, and attend curriculum development meetings. They must also tutor students who are behind.  If they are sick or having a bad day they must not let it show.

Each day they must incorporate reading, writing, math, science, and social studies into the program. They must maintain discipline and provide an educationally stimulating environment to motivate students at all times.  If all students do not wish to cooperate, work, or learn, the teacher will be
held responsible.

The business people will only have access to the public golf course on the weekends, but with their new salary, they may not be able to afford it.  There will be no access to vendors who want to take them out to lunch, and lunch will be limited to thirty minutes, which is not counted as part of
their work day.  The business people will be permitted to use a student restroom, as long as another survival candidate can supervise their class.

The winner of this Season of Survivor will be allowed to return to their job.

Pass this to your friends who think teaching is easy, and to the ones that know it is hard.