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To begin, some quick background…

My Dad had a quad-or-quintuple bypass in 1992.  My Mother has been bed-ridden with various ailments for a couple of years and my Dad is her primary caregiver.  I live 800 miles away but I have a sister who lives in the same town as they do, and she helps a great deal.  Last September my Dad was diagnosed with a rare blood cancer, but was told he probably had 5 or 6 years.  When the doctor told my Dad he had 5 years, Dad said that was two years longer than he expected before he found out about the cancer, so it looked like the cancer would prolong his life (Dad thinks he’s a funny guy.  And he is.).  Anyway…  When I called Sunday to wish him a happy father’s day he sounded very tired.  And he usually isn’t.  And then he told me they were stopping the treatment, and he was going on hospice.  The doctor gave him two weeks.

So…  now I’m in Tennessee.  I was here a year ago, on father’s day, and I wasn’t ready for how bad he looked.  I thought I was.  Nope.  At least school doesn’t start until August 12th, and I’ve got 70 days or so of sick leave if I need it.

Hospice was out this morning and talked to us all.  Dad signed the papers.  He has great faith, he knows where he’s going.  The only thing he worries about is what’s going to happen with Mom when he’s gone.  She tells him not to worry about it, she’ll be along right behind.

My sister and I don’t get along at all, she barely tolerates speaking to me, and my youngest brother, who lives nearby in Knoxville says he won’t come to the house if I’m here (and I don’t know what the hell I’ve done to piss him off).  My family is still in Oklahoma, but are planning to be here for a couple of days next week and then go back (because, not being teachers, they all still have to work).  I can talk to Mom and Dad about what’s happening, I understand completely where they are coming from, but damn, its still hard, so hopefully I can get some things out here that I don’t need to keep bottled up.  If it bothers you, take me off your reader for a while.  If you believe in prayer, send one up for my family.

This may not be the longest post I’ve ever written, but it’s taken me almost 4 hours to get through it.  Damn.


  1. I am so sorry to hear about your dad. My deepest hope is that this time will allow you to grow closer to your parents and to mend fences with the sibs.
    Feel free to record/air/process your journey here….I, for one, will be here for ya through each and every post.

    thank you. it helps knowing someone is on the other end listening.

  2. Hey guy…when i was diagnosed with Spindle Cell Cancer in my life..that day was the saddest and most depressing in my life. I have long learned brought me through the darkness and things happen for a reason everyone sees that reason diffrently. Dont worry about siblings be there for dad…pick up the phone..send cards and letters and always smile..thats what pulls someone out of the darkness..may god watch over your family..the best way to find his plan IS TO LISTEN..cherish the memories….Zman sends

    it is sad and depressing, for me. for mom and dad, they’re both ready. family is all that matters in the end. my sister seems to be okay that i’m here, she’s at least talking to me and laughing about memories. and listening to mom and dad talk about dying can be hard at times, but it is getting easier. thanks.

  3. Wishing your family the best.

    thank you

  4. Damn M… I’m so sorry. I didn’t know they were so ill. If you’re checking these comments, email me and I can send you Gary’s number. He would want to help out. Keep us posted.


    thanks cuz.

  5. M — so sorry. yes, i absolutely believe in prayer and i just said one for your family. i write this as i am choking back tears for you and your family. i read every single one of your posts and i am not stopping now. write whatever you want/need to. it is your blog and you don’t have to hold back. it’s your call. i’ll keep coming back. blessings and prayers to you, beany

    thank you beany.

  6. I’ve been through this. It can be a difficult, but strangely beautiful process. I’ll keep you in my prayers.

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