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JohnnyBoy comes to me Monday and says, “Mr. W, is there anything I can do to get my grade above a 60 by the end of the year?”

JohnnyBoy currently has a 32 average in my class…

My stock answer in these situations is, “Well, you could build a time machine, go back to the beginning of the semester and do your work and study for your tests. Oh, wait, that might involve using some of the algebra we’ve been doing, so probably not. Sorry.”

Opening my email this morning there is a message from JohnnyBoy Sr. “Mr. W, JohnnyBoy tells us that if he can build a time machine it would help him pass you’re (sic) class. Where can we find the directions for this?”

I’ve never met JohnnyBoy Sr. but I have met Mrs. JohnnyBoy Sr. and I’m 99% positive that he really expects to get directions from me.

This is the response I really, really wanted to send:

Mr. JohnnyBoy Sr.
Constructing a time machine is a relatively simple procedure. Find a large cardboard box, perhaps one that a refrigerator comes in. Using a large Sharpie write, ‘Time Machine’ on the outside. Under that write the date you would like to return to. Get in the box and repeat the magic words ten times: I’m Sofa King We Todd It. That should do the trick.



  1. This is one of the funnies things I’ve read today! Thanks for the chuckle!

  2. *gasp* Are you in Pennsylvania?! hahaha

    Wow. That’s just… wow. hahaha

  3. do you think the parent was kidding or serious? that’s bizarre and scary if daddy o wasn’t joking.

  4. I’d bet money that you could send it to him, and he’d never catch on to what he was REALLY saying.
    His son?
    But I doubt it.

    (Given that whole “apple and tree” adage.)

  5. I’ve had pretty good parents in the past couple of years (even considering the burglar and the prostitute). Johnny Boy’s dad…sure his name isn’t Johnny Appleseed? cuz that one didn’t fall far from the tree…

  6. Ah, the Sofa King! That is so fun to get others to read! I recently saw a truck that was really advertising for the Sofa King. Can you believe??


  8. Fan-freaking-tastic. That’s awesome. I needed to read this today — the guffaw was appreciated.

    Glad to be of service

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