Skip navigation

Daily Archives: May 2nd, 2008

As you may know we’ve been doing state mandated tests for the last 3 weeks.

Today as each class entered, the kids would ask, “Mr. W, can we have a free day?”

Summamabitch. You mean I could have been charging the little bastards all along??????

JohnnyBoy comes to me Monday and says, “Mr. W, is there anything I can do to get my grade above a 60 by the end of the year?”

JohnnyBoy currently has a 32 average in my class…

My stock answer in these situations is, “Well, you could build a time machine, go back to the beginning of the semester and do your work and study for your tests. Oh, wait, that might involve using some of the algebra we’ve been doing, so probably not. Sorry.”

Opening my email this morning there is a message from JohnnyBoy Sr. “Mr. W, JohnnyBoy tells us that if he can build a time machine it would help him pass you’re (sic) class. Where can we find the directions for this?”

I’ve never met JohnnyBoy Sr. but I have met Mrs. JohnnyBoy Sr. and I’m 99% positive that he really expects to get directions from me.

This is the response I really, really wanted to send:

Mr. JohnnyBoy Sr.
Constructing a time machine is a relatively simple procedure. Find a large cardboard box, perhaps one that a refrigerator comes in. Using a large Sharpie write, ‘Time Machine’ on the outside. Under that write the date you would like to return to. Get in the box and repeat the magic words ten times: I’m Sofa King We Todd It. That should do the trick.

3 more weeks until summer vacation.

That would be 15 days…
or 112.5 hours…
or 6750 minutes…
or 405,000 seconds…

Wait. It would appear that as I go on with this list the time remaining in the school year is approaching infinity. No wonder the damn day seems to never end.